I get it now
In ways I couldn't before
The unsettling of
The messy middle
That lingering urge
To get in the car alone
And just keep driving

The longing
For something unclear
Out of focus
Or just out of reach

The sense of loneliness
Even while surrounded
By so much love
So much humanity
     (spouse, kids, colleagues, parents, friends...)
Abundance
And still want
Unsure of what
     Or who
     Or why

Yet the sadness prevails
The hunger and seeking
Potential slipping away
Wanting to feel valued
To actually be valuable

That desire
To tear off my skin
Becoming me
Reborn
While still alive
Slowly, not like the first time
Indistinguishable to many
No fancy showering
Of gifts
No announcements

The mid-life rebirth
Is soft and subtle
A shift in the soul
And so only those who know
Your soul
Could ever perceive it
If they pay close attention
And still, it means everything

Reawakening
Experiencing the world
Through fresh eyes
When, to most,
It looks exactly the same
And you wonder
How they can't see

Even while there are
Some days
When you also
Can't see

Maybe we are like fruit trees
Or raspberry bushes
With multiple harvests
Multiple stages
Of blossoming, bearing fruit
Becoming
And also going dormant
Of producing
And also resting
Seeking
And surrendering
Again
And again