Pride is a funny thing.  As girls, we’re almost programmed to suppress pride.  To downplay our accomplishments: be humble and grateful.  When I reflect on moments of pride I first think of key life accomplishments: being the first student selected in my competitive ballet school to make the leap into dancing en pointe; or being the Valedictorian of my High School class; or getting recognized and promoted in professional circumstances… but the thing with all of these is that the pride was more centered on external validation: what would my mom or peers or mentors think of me?  I derived much of my own self-worth from the opinions of others.

Those times when I truly felt pride inside of me – a type of pride that wasn’t attached to others… those are harder for me to identify.  And far less grand on paper.  The things that made me feel proudest of myself were more about how I aligned my own decisions with my values.  And when I was authentically living in my values, I was proud of myself – because one of the biggest challenges for me to overcome was learning to listen to my own internal voice and not mold my choices and decisions based on the opinions of others.  Some of the things I’ve been most proud of were slow and gradual and messy periods of self-discovery and learning to “be still and know” as Glennon Doyle likes to remind us.  Finding and then acting in my knowing – a practice I only stumbled into during my 40s, has made me proud.

But thinking about one moment…

We’re on a weekly Zoom meeting and tensions are running high.  The CFO is feeling confused and frustrated, and he is not handling it well.  His behaviour toward one of my female team members is demeaning and disrespectful.  The meeting goes from tense to uncomfortable and we run out of time with little resolution or acknowledgement of the mistakes he had made.  The call ends, but the “ick” factor lingers.  I immediately pick up the phone to call my associate.

“What in the hell was that?!” she responds. 

We talk through his behaviour.  How it made her feel: small, unimportant.  I help her to feel seen and heard, while also helping coach her on tactics to deescalate future situations.  I acknowledge that he was wrong but also try to offer perspective on how some of her responses may have pushed him to feel embarrassed or defensive.

But then I called the CFO.  I explained to him that his tone and approach in the meeting was inappropriate and would not be tolerated.  I know this individual from years of working together and he is generally collaborative and eager to learn and listen.  At first he seemed surprised, but as he reflected back, I watched the realization sink in.  As a white man in a powerful role, he had far more privilege than the Hispanic female he had treated disrespectfully.  He had been somewhat blind to how those factors augmented the comments he made.

We all learned something that day.  I was proud that, unlike other situations that involved disrespect from those with power and privilege, I didn’t brush it off.

Living in our values and taking action to respect and honour those values – that is where I feel the true moments of pride.  A pride that comes from within and makes me feel whole and complete and in harmony.